The message I’d like to resonate in this post has been dwelling with me for a long time now as it’s been a message that’s carried me through some really tough times and where I’ve been given grace to now see the light with renewed hope, faith, and belief for even greater. On this New Year’s Eve night as I sit in silence with only the sounds of light rain and the booms of fireworks stretching towards the galaxy, I’ve finally forced myself to meditate and pause from multitasking and checking off my to dos.
It was only about 3 short years ago (longer than that if I really tell it..) that my life as I knew it had drastically started to change. It felt like a lot of losses and all at once. I was separated and my 8 year marriage was ending, I sold my home (because I didn’t want to live there anymore… I was just over the energy that seemed to hide within the walls), and my dog (my fur baby) whom I had for at least 16 years passed away. I was in a space of feeling like I was losing and that God was stripping everything that really mattered to me away. I was alone. No spouse, no dog, no home. Just me. And not to mention the struggle with anxiety and depression in the midst of it. And other headaches I won't bother to mention.. Of course I had my supportive circle of family and friends but there was still a huge void. My footing was lost, my space, my zone, my comfort, my familiarity, my knowing, my belonging was lost.
“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.” - Psalm 84:11
One of my close friends used to quote this scripture to me during that season and I remember I would roll my eyes in my mind because I didn’t feel the truth in those words at the time. My hopes and dreams for the life I envisioned for myself was in total jeopardy and I felt God was withholding from me everything I really longed for. I was in the wilderness, it was painful and it was hard, but I know now it wasn’t just me. It was me and God. You see I’d prayed to know him, and he’d answered me with these words “I’m going to show you who I am. I’m going to show you who you are.” I will never forget that nearly audible message that I got so clearly.
The attached video was a great blessing to me during my wilderness season. It carries a message I’ve witnessed first hand as I continue my walk with God and I want to share with you. God multiplies by subtracting!
I know that 2020 has been a horrific year for many and challenging for us all in historical ways. Some have suffered publicly and privately. For many (including myself) their 2019, 2018, 2017, etc, etc. was their 2020 year. It's just that 2020 was the year that brought us all to an unfamiliar and uncomfortable place, at the same time. But I want to renew your hope in not only God’s ABILITY to restore but his DESIRE to do so for YOU.
Fast forward and to sum it up... During and since my wilderness season, I’ve started two businesses, both are doing very well including growing my clientele in a new city, opening my own space, launching my own product line, hosting my first live and first virtual events to name a few. And yes mostly during a pandemic! I've reached many of my personal goals as well including becoming completely debt free, making a new residence my home, and recently engaged to my new fiance' on Christmas Day. And that’s just a snippet! So when I tell you I’m a witness… I have receipts and counting!! I’m counting my blessings and continuing to trust God! He has shown me that even when it looks like he’s withholding from me, he’s just working His math.
Consider your losses, as great, unreasonable, and painful as they may be as an investment and seed sown in faith to God and into where He is taking your life for His glory and for His purpose. Even when it just doesn’t make sense. When you felt like you've won then lost again, surrender, trust, and let him use you to be a witness of His ability to restore. Know that for every wilderness season you may experience in your life, it’s you and God. Trust Him to show you who you are and position your heart to want to know more of Him. He will show you who He is.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” - James 1:1-4
Happy New Year!