The (Un)Reality

Updated: Mar 25, 2019

In a recent episode of Iyanla Fix My Life – Reality Rehab, Iyanla works with 3 reality TV stars to confront and heal their addiction to fame and regain their sense of identity. Most of us don’t have cameras and mass production following us around every day but what lies deeper than an addiction to fame and money in this episode that many of us can relate to, is the addiction to external validation.

Our culture has evolved and grown accustomed to using other people’s “reality” as a source of entertainment and a standard for which we judge ourselves. For many, even our own lives have become a cinema as we present highlights to the world via social media (...or perhaps the (un)social media) outlets like Instagram, YouTube, and Facebook as if it’s a movie reel where we are the star of our own film living as part of the cast and as the character we’ve created. Not truly living our truth as it is to our core but as a persona that we’ve convinced ourselves to believe is better, more interesting, more successful, more desired, and more deserving than the individual that lies underneath the layers we’ve covered her with. Why have we forsaken her? Why have we believed that our truth is not good enough? When did we become a hostage to the ego?

In one scene of the episode Iyanla asks the ladies to remove their makeup for an exercise. Dutchess was reluctant at first out of fear of public scrutiny of her appearance as she’d faced personal attacks in the past. Iyanla shared with her these words, “This is not about the makeup. This is about what you tell yourself is required of you to be approved and accepted by other people and why it matters to you.” These words were profound to me as on my journey I am a continual student of the lesson of self-awareness, constantly asking myself a series of questions.

Why am I doing what I’m doing? What is it that I want and need right now and how do I provide that for myself? Am I placing the responsibility of my own happiness and satisfaction on another person? Am I using something outside of myself to fulfill an internal need? Am I performing and married to a particular outcome and if it doesn’t go as expected how will it affect me, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally? Are you living true to your own spirit or are you living the perception of what the current audience finds appealing? If no one was watching would you move differently?

I believe the practice of self-awareness will constantly have to be learned and relearned as we travel through different phases of life, ( least that's true for me), but I share this post with you in hopes that it will inspire and challenge you to begin asking yourself similar questions so that you too can accept and believe that you have the ability to generate all the validation you need from within you. That my sister is power! #truetospirit #truetomyreality

Do your work and have the courage to answer the why “that’s where your healing is.” - Iyanla Vanzant.


P.S. Iyanla’s coming to town (Columbia, SC), Saturday August 3rd! Let’s attend as a group! Grab your ticket and we'll have dinner together before the main event. More details to come! Check back on our events page.

Love, Peace, Blessings!

Shantika Holliday

IG: @beautybyshantika


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